Stories

Surviving and Learning to Hope

by Thomas Canning in 2002

I was born in Newfoundland, where I lived until I was eight years old. I am a survivor of rape, abuse, drugs and alcohol.

I don’t remember anything about my first five years. Something happened to me when I was around five. After that I started to stutter really bad. Adults when they see a child like this, they take advantage of you, and do things to you they wouldn’t do to other kids.

When I started school in kindergarten I was always alone by myself because of my speech and my anger over things that happened to me. The teachers used to stick me in the corner because they couldn’t deal with me, that’s why I thought I was different from other kids.

My parents always had alcohol, and I started drinking when I was around eight. I went through most of my childhood drinking. When I came to Toronto, the teachers here stuck me in a corner too. When I was about 14, I started smoking marijuana, and that led me to other drugs. I was raped and abused so many times I can’t count them on both hands. The drug that best helped me kill my pain was cocaine. It helped me block out my memories of the past.

When I was struggling with my drinking and drug problems, thanks to my sister, she helped to get into a detox. The detox led me to a place called the Good Shepherd. Here I learned to deal with my addiction problem.

Now I am bettering my life and learning how to read. I am telling my story to my counsellor, who is typing it for me. I finally found out I was deaf in one ear and seven months later I got a hearing aid through welfare. Now I can hear, it makes it easier to learn.

Now I am two years clean from cocaine, and a year clean of alcohol. At first I had a rough time to deal with things, and now I am learning to deal with problems without cocaine or alcohol. I found out I am an artist, and I am a lot happier now than I was when I first came to the Good Shepherd a couple of years ago. My goals are starting to be a reality. Because I am learning to believe in myself. Because I am a survivor, I am doing things I thought were impossible, and I do have a lot more hope in life nowadays.

Through the Good Shepherd I got into housing July 2001 and am learning to live on my own. I am very thankful for the Good Shepherd and all of the counsellors for all they have done for me.